Here right now, under the banner of heaven, we dream out loud

Mr. Van Houten:

I’m a good person but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person but a good writer. I think we’d make a good team. I don’t want to ask you for any favors but if you have the time—from what I saw you have plenty— Please fix this for me. It’s a eulogy for Hazel…. she asked me to write it and I’m trying, I just could use a little flair.

See the thing is we all want to be remembered but Hazel’s different. Hazel knows the truth. She didn’t want a million admirers she just wanted one. And she got it. Maybe she wasn’t loved widely but she was loved deeply, and isn’t that more than what most of us get? When Hazel was sick I knew I was dying but I didn’t want to say so. She was in the ICU and I snuck in for ten mins and sat with her before I got caught. Her eyes were closed, her skin pale, but her hands were still her hands. Still warm, and her nails were painted this dark blue black color, I just held them. I willed myself to imagine a world without us and what a worthless world that would be.

She’s so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she’s smarter than you because you know she is. She’s funny without ever being mean. I love her, God I love her. I’m so lucky to love her, Van Houten.

You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world but you have a say in who hurts you. I like my choices and I hope she likes hers. Okay, Hazel Grace?

Well your mom and I were doing this natural child birth training course, which is like…you have the child without any pain killers. So we did like six months of these classes. And the first time your mom felt like a serious contraction she said, ‘Give me the drugs. Now!’ There’s this doctor that comes in and gives the pain killers, that’s his one job, and he would come in and give her the pain killer and come back in and check on her and every time he did she would turn to him with her wide eyes and say…

”Here we are with, a kiss equals a kiss. And the idea is that love should never be divided. That all kisses are equal. And we gave it a little bit of a rock n’ roll vibe, we wanted it to be that classic piece that you can wear forever that looks really cool but then also says something.”


feeling your computer getting slower though the years is one of the most heartbreaking things ever

Xabi Alonso Last Press Conference as a RealMadrid Player | Aug 29 2014